It’s no secret that Calgary is the epicentre of people tripping and falling in western Canada. Our unique weather patterns and frequent Chinook winds foster conditions that allow water to freeze, melt, and then freeze once more, creating ice as smooth as glass- ideal for those who wish to sightsee and travel in this horrific environment we call home. Our slick walkways invite the adventurous traveller to get their own first hand experience and often reward them with concussions, bruised bones, and a healthy reality check.
With our rich tradition of being in constant suffering during the winter months, it’s easy to take it all for granted, but with warmer weather on the way, we should enjoy our environment to its fullest before the end of the season.
7. McHugh Bluff
Starting our list at this Calgary Park just north of memorial drive, you’re sure to have a fantastic time catching your ankle at the top of this stair set- There are over 150 steps! This area is also pet-friendly, allowing a full range of slip-and-fall activities in one location. Kids will love the high-impact wood steps, and it’s a great way to get those toddlers out during those warm spring mornings!
6. Deerfoot trail
The constant flow of high-speed traffic makes this destination ideal for experienced fallers, while also offering a challenge for those who are still learning. For an extra challenge, make sure to visit outside of rush hour (4-6pm) to ensure traffic is at full speed.
There’s nothing better to show off your urban prowess than by quickly falling into one of these on a downtown walkabout. Remember to be cautious of the sewer people! Their fangs pierce aircraft-grade aluminum like butter and are sure to send you home with a painful reminder. Ouch!
4. Centre Street Bridge
This Calgary landmark is a favorite among photographers because of its beautiful design, and the two-tiered system allows for a wide range of experienced and inexperienced fallers. The more advanced fallers will enjoy the high-level trips and slips from the upper ledge, which offer an amazing view of the downtown core
3. Mayor Naheed Nenshi’s house
See if you can pull the old slip’n’sue at our mayors private home. And if he happens to spot your unconscious body in his driveway and decides to call an ambulance, there’s no need to worry- this one’s on the taxpayers.
2. Devonian gardens
I defy you to try and keep your friends jaws from dropping when you tell them about your fall at the Devonian Gardens, located on the fourth floor of the CORE shopping center. Make sure to ask a friend for a picture while your lifeless body ragdolls head first into one of the five indoor water fountains. An added bonus is the absence of leeches, which can make outdoor flailing a nuisance.
1. Rocky Mountains
Topping our list at #1, only one hour’s drive from the city are some of the most breathtaking views of the mountains you’ll ever see. Don’t miss this exotic and beautiful location to snag a toe on a protruding root and fall to your almost certain death!
Joseph Wright is a majestic butterfly who does things around Calgary when he feels like it. Sometimes you'll see him hanging around The Plaza doing nothing with a camera I think. I don't know. Send me a bio next time, or I could just keep making them up. I don't mind.
*All photos belong to their respective owners, and obviously this is satire. Late Night YYC does not condone tripping and falling in front of the Mayors house... Don't be a dink.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!